NO PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION!

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So I want to be honest with you all because I love each and everyone of you. I HATE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. Call me stuck up. I do not care but I hate every moment on public transportation. Coming this August, it may be my full year not having a vehicle since I was 15. You may be thinking, "Man, you better appreciate public transportation". Screw that! I will catch rides. I will borrow cars. I will throw snaps on the petro! There are multiple things that bother me about the public transportation.

First, I hate big people on the bus. Is it me or do they seem to always sit in-between two people? They seem to always have three or more bags from Aldi's and if they took a few more steps they could actually get an entire row to themselves. But nooooo! Fatty wants to come sit her boat-wide hips in-between me and Ms. Daisy. Did we deserve the discomfort for the day?! Do I have 'make me uncomfortable please' on my forehead?! I just don't get it. Give yourself a workout Fat Ass and walk to the back of the bus where there are more seats...SHIT!!

Then, I hate bums on the bus or train. These bastards really shouldn't have anywhere to go but to the nearest busy street to beg for change and back to their box. Everyday that should be their routine. Where the fuck are you going? I don't understand. How do you still have errands to run without a home? Does ComEd send past due bills to boxes now? My main issue is that these cats have a stinch that can light up an entire neighborhood. Hold on let's start at the foundation, do they smell themselves? When I workout, I'm kicking. When I wake up sweating, I'm kicking. You cats don't bathe everyday as I do so the must and residue bum sex build up makes for some horrible smells. Man just typing that made my stomach do a back flip. You know I just really want them to remember when they had homes, jobs and a family that cared about them. Remember those days! Now remember when you were sitting on 99th and Halsted or Belmont and Kedzie and remember smelling a homeless person but not being able to visually locate them. Remember how you felt like someone invaded your circle with their stinch. Remember how you felt like you were violated. Now think about how I feel on this Red Line or 95th bus and do me a favor and walk wherever you are going.

Lets start this one off by giving you a little information. My parents called my sister and I good kids. We were by default. My younger sister is very tempermental and violent so not too many adults wanted to fuck with her. Imagine being a child trying to step into her circle. Me, I didn't like kids. As a child I didn't like kids. Somethings kids did I just didn't understand. I thought kids were crazy and everyone except my sister, a few friends and I were crack babies. I didn't understand why they couldn't stay still for more than five minutes, jumped off high objects, play fought, and more. I was amazed at somethings they did. Now to my baby mommas riding the 79th to Ford City. Keep your child in their fucking seats. Its not cute that the little bastard is running up and down the isle and standing in his seat on the bus screaming to the top of his lungs. I am trying to enjoy a good book or listen to my ipod without blowing out my eardrums to block out this little demon childs reckless behavior. I really am five seconds away from snatching the little bastard by his ankles and holding him upside down as I tear his little ass up like Chicago Public School (CPS) teacher. Better yet, a private school teacher. They beat more ass than any CPS teacher. All your parents have to do is sign that little slip giving them permission and that ass is theirs from 8am to 330pm. And I feel sorry if you were in the afterschool program cause that means you got until 6pm to make out. While we are talking about kids, I hate when I see kids from ages 4 to 10 riding the bus by themselves. Where are your parents? I hate when I see those kids on the streets by themselves. And I know you not an orphan because more times than not they are geared. They are dressed better than some adults. But they out here running the streets at an early age. Its ridiculous.

I have a lot of things that bug the shit out of me about public transportation (ie lack of punctuality, high prices, over-crowded, horrible ride, and more). But the last thing that really bothers me are people eyes. Everyone is just watching each other. You look and catch someones eyes and look away. Look too long or catch someones eyes more than once and you are likely to get into a confrontation. You can tell we are all talking about each other or thinking how miserable the worst off looking people lives must be. But for the most part I think we share the same general thought once you board a public bus or train..."UGH, I HATE GETTING ON THIS MOTHERFUCKER!".